8615 Ridgely’s Choice Drive
Suite 212
Baltimore, MD 21236
Tel: (410) 529-
Fax: (410) 529-
Suite 212
Baltimore, MD 21236
Tel: (410) 529-
Fax: (410) 529-
WebMaster: Edward Lehwald
http://www.renewalcounseling.com/page36.html
Domestic Violence: An Overview
By Gwen Trader, L.C.S.W.-C (Continued)
Although physical abuse isn’t always present in an abusive relationship, emotional abuse and verbal abuse is and often precedes physical abuse. (A victim of verbal abuse lives in a confusing realm of angry outbursts, cool indifference, witty sarcasm, silent withholding, manipulative coercion, or unreasonable demands that are cloaked in a “what’s wrong with you – making a big deal out of nothing” attitude.( The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans 1992) In an emotionally abusive relationship the abusive behavior may be so changeable that the abused partner is frequently confused and may not recognize the behavior as an attempt to control and dominate. The bottom line is that the abuser cannot accept his partner as an equal because he would experience equality as being inferior. Control and dominance give the abuser a sense of power, security, and identity.
Verbal abuse usually escalates, increasing in intensity, frequency, and variety, keeping the partner confused, demeaned and controlled. It is important to remember that all of the abuser’s behavior is not blatantly negative. Most abusers can at times be charming, affectionate and apologetic. Unfortunately, this is usually an attempt to keep his partner from leaving or abandoning him.
The victim can learn to recognize a cycle or pattern of behavior that is generally apparent in an abusive relationship. Common is a pattern of the abuser engaging in rejecting behaviors (pushing the partner away) followed by behaviors that engage and pull the partner closer, i.e. apologizing or affectionate behavior.
This cycle can vary in intensity and frequency, but always involves some form of victimization preceded by a tension building phase and followed by a honeymoon phase of loving, contrite behavior. The abuser is always in the dominant position and promoting his emotional security. Whether the abuse is physical, sexual, or psychological the cycle is always the same.
By Gwen Trader, L.C.S.W.-
Although physical abuse isn’t always present in an abusive relationship, emotional abuse and verbal abuse is and often precedes physical abuse. (A victim of verbal abuse lives in a confusing realm of angry outbursts, cool indifference, witty sarcasm, silent withholding, manipulative coercion, or unreasonable demands that are cloaked in a “what’s wrong with you – making a big deal out of nothing” attitude.( The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans 1992) In an emotionally abusive relationship the abusive behavior may be so changeable that the abused partner is frequently confused and may not recognize the behavior as an attempt to control and dominate. The bottom line is that the abuser cannot accept his partner as an equal because he would experience equality as being inferior. Control and dominance give the abuser a sense of power, security, and identity.
Verbal abuse usually escalates, increasing in intensity, frequency, and variety, keeping the partner confused, demeaned and controlled. It is important to remember that all of the abuser’s behavior is not blatantly negative. Most abusers can at times be charming, affectionate and apologetic. Unfortunately, this is usually an attempt to keep his partner from leaving or abandoning him.
The victim can learn to recognize a cycle or pattern of behavior that is generally apparent in an abusive relationship. Common is a pattern of the abuser engaging in rejecting behaviors (pushing the partner away) followed by behaviors that engage and pull the partner closer, i.e. apologizing or affectionate behavior.
This cycle can vary in intensity and frequency, but always involves some form of victimization preceded by a tension building phase and followed by a honeymoon phase of loving, contrite behavior. The abuser is always in the dominant position and promoting his emotional security. Whether the abuse is physical, sexual, or psychological the cycle is always the same.
http://www.renewalcounseling.com/page36.html (1 of 2)7/23/2006 11:31:2 3 AM